Don't do this

[ricthryth]

So yeah, turns out I was pregnant! And so far I still am, so this is great. Baby three, take three is a go. Some kind of virus has taken immediate and forceful advantage of my inhibited immune system, but I guess that's how it goes.

I wanted to record this weird exchange from last week. On a grocery trip, I picked up a second pregnancy test, because I was spotting and I wanted to be sure. (This sort of backup isn't really necessary, but it feels necessary in these situations.) The dude ringing me up decided to comment on the test when it went by.

Him: "Good thing?"
Me: "Huh?"

Him, indicating test: "Happy or scared?"
Me, in my head: "Whoa, this is inappropriate."
Me, in my head: "Both? It's always both."
Me, in my head: "Mostly scared. Of a negative."
Me, out loud: "Uh... happy if true."

Him: "Awesome! What would you want?"
Me, in my head: "This is really personal."
Me, in my head: "Why do people always ask this. It's so boring to guess something you can't control."
Me, in my head: "I try not to raise my kids differently based on gender. Why do you care."
Me, in my head: "What I want is for it to be alive. I want it to not be dead this time."
Me, out loud: Nothing. Silent, twitchy shrug.

Him: "Doesn't matter, huh? Cool. Good luck!"
Me, in my head: "I just want it to be alive."
Me, out loud: "Thanks."